Each night we'll pick two new rock songs head to head. Vote for the one you want to hear
"It's Not You"
halestorm
vs.
Next Week...IT'S ULTIMATE EFF-OFF WEEK! Vikes Center John Sullivan, Hockey God Theo Fleury, Nick Schultz, and Ryan Pacyga
Week 11 Picks
The neck and neck-edness continues... Weasel and Shaver gained one game in the overall picks and stayed 2 games up in the Furious 5.
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Don't Worry It's Friday
If you are feeling bad after a long week, don't worry, it's friday!
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Duck Squash
Gardener Lionel Partridge counldnb't believe what he found when he was harvesting his squash. this one was in the perfect shape of a duck..."That's Quacktastic!"
Those Dirty, Dirty Twins
This Kodak Moment has been brought to you by the New York Yankees. Screw 'Em. NO...NOT LIKE THAT!
PWN of the Day
This is the nerd video of the day. To be fair, this guy have been playing the game for an entire week.
The Trooper on a Harp
This is the kind of thing that would make me like classical music more. But what you don't know, is that he actually playing Harp Hero.
Tuesday Top Ten
Top Ten Future Top Ten Topics
Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. Ever since we started this whole Tuesday Top Ten thingy it was inevitable. We have run out of ideas for the Tuesday Top Ten. So in situations like these, we turn to the smartest, wittiest people we know. you the listeners. Here are YOUR top ten ideas for future Tuesday Top Tens. Feel free to add your own in the comments. We could really use the ideas.
The LSD Induced No Hitter
June 20th, 1970. That is the day that the greatest game ever was pitched. Pittsburgh Pirates Pitcher Doc Ellis threw a no-hitter. What makes it the greatest game ever pitched? Because Doc had dropped LSD hours before the game, since he didn't think he would have to pitch. At one point he thought the ball was talking to him, telling him what pitched to throw, and he even scored a touchdown...well, that's what his brain told him
New Twins Uniforms
With a new home come lots of other new stuff, including new uniforms. While they look very cool and retro, I hope some of the other 'news' include players and contracts. See you outside in April!
Bobcat Goldthwait
The damn near legendary comedian stopped by in studio and did not talk about his ex-wife Nikki Cox or ANY Police Academy Movie. He's on to more adult things now, like directing movies that involve beatiality and Robin Williams.
Week 10 Picks
Weasel and Shaver return...They broke the tie and took a two game lead in the Furious Five. Meanwhile, they still trail by a handful of games in the overall picks. We are in the second half of the season and it's almost as close as it could be. Here's week 10.
Kevin Hart
The very funny comedian stopped in before his show this weekend at the Pantages. If you don't know him, but recognize him...think Scary Movie 3. He loves the women here and probabaly will score a little tail this weekend. Feelin lucky? Go see him Saturday night.
Charla Nash's Face (GROSS WARNING)
Back in February Charla Nash was attacked by a friend's Chimpanzee. She lost her eyes and basically, the rest of her face. Most of the time, she wears a veil in public so she doesn't scare people. I put her photo down a little lower than usual. If you are not prepared, the image IS disturbing. View at your own risk, and don't send us your bill for cleaning the puke off of your keyboard.
Tuesday Top Ten
Things You Want To Do On Your Next Day Off
It's that time of the year when everyone is using up the rest of their vacation days. But when you need to take off a day for no reason, you need to find something good to do to really make it worth it. Here are the top ten thing you the listeners want to do with your next day off of hell...I mean work.
World's Smallest Mother
35-year-old Stacey Herald is the world's smallest mother at 2-feet, 4-inches tall . . . and is pregnant for the third time. And no i wouldn't...not that desperate.
New Wild Theme
With the Wild kinda suckin' this season, that old anthem that the team plays every game doesn't really make sense anymore. So, we have taken it upon ourselves to rewrite it. You're welcome America.
RIGHT CLICK TO DOWNLOAD!
Dirtest Soccer Player EVER!
This girl on the New Mexico women's Soccer team is a dirty girl, and not in the awesome way. She has been suspended indefinitely for these two plays that were caught on tape in a semi-final match against Brigham Young. And in case you are wondering, yes...yes I would.
Ultimate X-Girl Whitney In-Studio Pix!
Whitney stops by to chat with the H.A.M.S. following her victory at the Ultimate X-Girl Finale!
Week 9 Picks
While Nick and Josh extended their lead in the overall standings they did split the differences in the Furious Five so they remain neck and neck. Here are their picks for the most boring week of the year. Bye week. So enjoy sleeping all day on Sunday and my sympathies to those of you with AP on your fantasy team...aka, me.
Congratulations Yankees...Really...
Well the World Series is over, and the Yankees bought...I mean won it in convincing fashion. So from every fan who absolutely despises the Bronx Bombers (aka everyone not from New York or in the national media) we congratulate you....
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Childress Talks About Favre's Groin
Brad Childress was asked after the big Vikings/Packers game about the condition of God...I mean Favre. I still think he was joking around...but Childress telling a joke is like Steven Wright doing the same. Sometimes you're just not sure if he's serious or not. Rub it...it will help.
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Tim Floyd Breaks Up Casino Fight
Former USC basketball coach made his way to the Morongo casino and went out of his way to break up an awesome chick fight. Even other former USC coach and current Memphis Grizzlies Henry Bibby gets in the act by saving Floyd's ass when one chick decides to try to go WWE on his ass with a chair. Why would Timmy get so involved? Three words...'"accidental" boob grab.'
Knock Knock Joke
The comedy duo of Pete and Brian bring us one of our most requested bits. Knock Knock...Who's there....Clinical Depression...
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Tuesday Top Ten
Most Annoying Male Bonding Habits
Guys are a strage species. We can never just say hi and hang out quietly. We all have to do SOMETHING wierd or different. There are some really dumb things that guys to when they get together. Like a pack of dogs out running around in packs, one guy can ruin the entire group. Here are our top ten things that guys know that annoy this piss out of us. Feel free to add your own at the end.
Bob Mason Throws Down
Back in the day Wild Bench Coach Bob Mason could throw down. In fact he did back in 1991. Sorry to say that Bob went down, and was NOT even penalized. Corson was given a game misconduct and thrown out of the game...So who really won?
Hockey Fight Database
My new favorite WebSite. You want to see if Dino fought any Blackhawks in 1990? Find out and maybe even see the video. Boogy should be in this thing's Hall of Fame.
Rejected World Series Memories
You know how during the Fall Classic, they reminisce with fans and players about their favorite World Series memories. Some just didn't make the cut, no matter how memorable they are, despite what your subconscious wants to do with it.
The Fixer-Upper Wife
When plastic surgeon Reza Vossough saw the woman of his dreams he was not attracted to her at all. But what he DID see was potential. A little eyebrow lift here, a boob job there, a forehead reduction here, and she would be all she wanted. The work cost him $30,000 in all.
Guy Jumps Fence, Hits Bus
I don't know what this guy was thinking other than "OOOOOOHHHHHH SHH.....OWW!!!" Actually I know that's what was going through his head.
Minnapolis Man TASED!
Monday night, Rolando Ruiz had a bad night. He was for apparently no reason, tased in the neck. It caused him to sue the police department as well as scream like a girl.
Manu Ginobili 1, Bat 0
What a spooky night for such a wierd incident. At the Spurs/Kings game on Saturday night, a bat got into the AT&T Center. After it caused the refs to stop the game a couple of times, Manu Ginobili took matters into his own hand...literally. SMACK!!
HS Football Player Tackles Teammate
No one ever said these guys were the smartest guys in school, but I hope enough that they know the rules. This kick-off coverage guys has to do a little mor research before he plays again. REMEMEBER, if they guy you are about to tackle is wearing the same uniuform as you...LEAVE HIM ALONE!
Week 8 Football Picks
As the season comes to the midway point for most of the team, the Furious five remains nec and neck and the ability of Nick and Josh to not be a homer saved them from losing a game in the race. this week all of the picks were made by much higher beings than them. The ladies of Schiek's lended...a hand?...in picking this weeks games.
Ultimate X-Girl Finalists (Group 1)
As we reach the final 15, we get to enjoy these beautful ladies up close and personal and in-studio for 3 straight days. Today's show featured Kristina, Emily P, Whitney, Amanda, and Candy. More to come tomorrow. God I love my job.
Ultimate X-Girl Finalists (Group 2)
The second round of our X-girl finalists stopped into the studio to bait us all into believing that one of them would date us. They also made thier pitch why they should be picked as the Ultimate X-Girl of 2009. Last group goes tomorrow before the final groupe stops in tomorrow. Go to the 93X.com home page, or Cravings to go.com to vote for your favorite.
Ultimate X-Girl Finalists (Group 3)
As the month of Gawk-tober draws to a close we focus on out last five finalists for the Ultimate X-Girl Competition. Pick your favorite(s) and see who wins at the Papa Roach/Jet show next week at the Wilkins.
Fuel Truck Explodes
This fuel truck tipped over and did NOT explode. But in the process of flipping it back up again, something went wrong. Ka-Boom.
Bat Prankster
Some people have issues with small creepy crawly things. My roomate for instance HATES bunny rabbits. I'm willing to bet a few of these people freaked out a little too much based on what they were actually facing here.
Alien on a Beach?
This was found on a beach in New Zealand. No one really knew what it was, so the first logical conclusion? Alien. Not what it most likely is, a decomposed Sperm Whale with va visable rib cage and balls.
Child GPS Tracker
WHy would you get this? If I lost my kid, I'd think I'd hit the damn jackpot. But you are attached to those little rugrats, pick one of these up.
Mormon Muffins Calendar
Who says mormon chicks are uptight and rigid. Not the geniuses who came up with this calendar. Pick it up here.
Garage Built Pan-Am Flight Cabin
Anthony Toth needs a life. He spent a little over $50,000 building a perfect replica of a Pan-Am First Class Cabin. He even went as far as to fly to Thailand for a pair of Pan-Am headphones. Just be happy he's not in Scotland...(too soon?)
Shark Bitten in Half
This 10-ft shark was caught off the coast of Brisbane, Australia. Unfortunately, the fishermen who caught it got SCREWED out of a lot of shark meat by a BIGGER shark that almost bit the smaller one in half.
Sex for World Series Tickets
This lady is a DIE HARD Phillies fan. So die hard she was willing to trade anything for it. Although she does't say sex in the ad, you know what she meant.
Car On Top of Sleeping Couple
Last Wednesday morning at around 4:00am, Eric Cross decided to drive his car into the bedroom of his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend in Sparks, Nevada. Only thing was, it WASN'T her house, it was the home of some other girl named Kristin Palmer. Cross's car launched through the wall and laned on top of Palmer and her boyfriend as they slept. Pinned for almost an hour, they ended up with almost no injuries.
Tuesday Top Ten
Scariest Movie Characters
Halloween is just around the corner and with it the slew of scary movies that everyone insists they watch. Its not the movies we are worried about, it's the scariest movie characters of all time. Here is our Top Ten. Feel free to add your own in the comments.
Mark Sanchez Eats a Hot Dog
Mark Sanchez is a rookie, and this is a rookie mistake. If you are going to try to covertly eat a dog on the sideline during an televised NFL game...a couple of pointers. First, don't be the biggest rookie sensation of the year. Second. Hide behind an offensive lineman, they can block the sun, they can block you. I just hope it was free.
Brad Pitt Motorcycle Accident
Every so often, the paparazzi catches something on camera that changes our society. This is one of those times. And before you get all pissy that he deserved it because he's driving between the two lanes of cars, that is completely legal in California. It's called lane splitting.
Find Morgan
About a week and a half ago Viginia Tech student and metal-head Morgan Harrington disappeared after a Metallica Concert. After the concert she told her friends over a cell phone that she would find her own way home. She never made it. Now Metallica is joining the search by offering an extra $50,000 on top of the already $100,000 rewards for finding the people who did this. See what you can do at http://findmorgan.com/
NFL's Best Hair
As if they don't get enough attention, he's a list of the best hairdos in the League.
12 Worst Parking Jobs Ever Caught on Tape
Parking should never be this difficult. Unfortunately, these people never quite got a grip on the concept.
Week 7 Football Picks
Patrick filled in for Weasel awesomely and pulled Shaver, Weasel and himself even with Nick and Josh in the Furious Five. 3 for 3 on differences will do a lot. With Patrick in again, as Weasel's massive diarrhea continues, can they take the lead?
Drunk Guy Video of the YEAR!
We all love to watch a bumbling idiot try to walk when he's all hammered up on booze. We all love to watch them stumble, fall down, and slur tier speech. If only this video had sound then we would get it all. This may be the best drunk video...EVER! Sit back, crack a cold one, and enjoy.
Soccer Head Kick
We don't usually like to post anything soccer related but this is just plain ol' funny. Ouch.
A-Rod Feels Up Derek Jeter
Some people...(cough...Randy Shaver)...call the 2009 New York Yankees the "team of destiny." Now I know why, this team is close.
Arrest Video
A few weeks ago YTL told us about this arrest video they had where the guy they were haulin away got a little bored in the car Well here it is.
Pigeon Power!!
When the Raiders took on the Eagles on Sunday, if you had your money on the Raiders you KNEW you would need some higher power to get the win. Well the Black Hole got that help in the form of a rat with wings on this kick-off.
Badgers QB Can't Buy a High Five
You know it's a bad day at the stadium, when the starting QB can't even get a little skin. But don't worry, Wisconsin QB Scott Tolzien got plenty of skin the next night with the twins from his Biology class.
Eff You 'Til Monday
Don't you hate Mondays? What about that lady who sits across from you, and all you hear all day long is "Corporate accounts payable Nina speaking, just a moment" over, and over, and over. Don't you just want to tell them over, and over. eff you til Monday!
Week 6 Football Picks
Weasel and Shaver kept pace in the Furious Five as they and Nick and Josh shared 2 losses, 1 win, and split the other two games. Here are their pics for Week 6 picks. Feel free to blast them in the comments as usual.
Random Falcon Heene Stuff
So the biggest drama of the year since the deaths of Billy Mays and Michael Jackson apparently took place yesterday as a 6-year-old boy apparently took an 80-mile flight in a home made Mylar balloon, only so be presumed injured or dead after the balloon was found empty hours later, and finally found safe in his attic hiding. Leave it to the Internet to get on this one QUICK!
Stroller Hit By Train
A six-month old boy was incredibly left un harmed, except for a bump on the head after his stroller rolled off of a subway platform and in front of a train as it pulled into a Melbourne area station. The train hit him going around 30mph. The video is not for the faint of heart or for the parents of ANYONE.
St. Petersburg City Council Fight
Who knew a sidewalk could have caused so much trouble. Immediately after a controversial vote in St. Petersberg Florida about privatizinfg a section of boardwalk along the beach. And this wasn't your kids City Council brawl, this was between 76-year-old Frederick Dudley and 61-year-old Ronald Deaton, showing us that old people can still bring it.
Woman Loses 211lbs, Gets First Kiss at Age 40
Kimberly Evans was a chubby gal. And when she was 39, she decided it was time for a change. She lost 211lbs, and finally got her first kiss. If she would have just met Nick 20 years ago, all of this could have been averted.
Miss Homeless Belgium Pageant
Recently, officials in Belgium were searhing for a way to draw attention to the country's homelessness problem. So they decided to have a beauty pageant. The winner was given a rent free apartment for a year.
Amazing 9-Year-Old Shootout Goal
With the Wild 1-4, you have you be thinking this one thing...SIGN HIM UP WE NEED GOALS!!! Seriously though, he's nine years old.
Tuesday Top Ten on a Wednesday
BEST MOVIE QUOTES
There are thousands of them and this list could be debated for YEARS. But here are the ten we compiled for today's list. Add your own at the end.
Mustang Football...GET SOME!
In Moundsview they love thier football, but hate shirts. Pleeeeease explain why the entire team would agree to this.
Owen Schmitt is FIRED UP!
Seattle Seahawks fullback thought long and hard about how to get his team amped up before a big game against the Jaguars last Sunday. Afterwards, he had to think long and hard on how to get blood out of his jersey.
Firefighters Catch on Fire
These firefighters are demonstrating how fast a bedroom can catch on fire form a lit cigarette. Did I say bedroom? I meant their faces. I think it might be a bad sign, when your equiptment is so fireproof, you don't even realize YOU are on fire.
Aliens Invading Moscow?
Call Will Smith! Call Jeff Goldblum! (and to a lesser extent...Call Harry Conick Jr. We're being invaded! But not to worry, they are starting in Russia. Maybe they'll think our whole country looks like that and just leave.
St. Louis Invasion
We're being invaded...AGAIN! This time the target is St. Louis, Missori. Now I guess it's time to call Richard Dreyfuss...
Twins Cities Not a Spring Break Destination...DUH!
I can't believe this is news. I'm just surprised we came in above Chernobyl.
City Face-Off
IN THIS CORNER! WEIGHING IN AT A POPULATION OF 361,420...THE KILLER OF KANSAS! WICHITA! AND IN THIS CORNER! WEIGHING IN AT A POPULATION OF 183,606! THE GERIATRIC JUGGERNAUT! FT. LAUDERDALE! Let's get it on!
Week 5 Football Picks
A big Monday night win and some smart picking extended Nick and Josh's lead in the Furious 5..or 6, by 2 games. They still leave the overall picks by 5. Maybe Shaver just doesn't have it anymore. Go ahead and blast their picks in the comments.
Family Guy Corn Maze
Who can say they got lost in Family guy, Well, anyone who goes to Connors Farm in Danvers, Massechusetts can. Bob Connors, carved Stewie and Brian into his annual corn maze.
Crazy Georgia Fan
This guy is WAY too into Georgia Bulldog football and apparently 1980's Hulk Hogan videos.
Tuesd...Umm, Wednesday Top Ten
Greatest TV Dads
They say every child needs a good father figure. Sometimes that figure has to be a made-up TV dad, they always know what's right, they always get the bully who conned you out of money, or kill the teacher that gave you a D. Here are the ten greatest TV dads of all-time.
Jonathon Bryce and the Suicide Chair
We all knew that if Jonathon Bryce was going to kill himself, it was going to be on our show. He came dangerously close today with his contraption that not even Jigsaw could invent. He got out, he's safe, but the video is intense.
JONATHON BRYCE BURIED ALIVE!
On October 24, the Escape Artist and HAMS regualar almost killed himself today but failed. In a couple weeks he will succeed. Its all for chharity, so go out watch him get buried under 3 tons of corn.
SETH GREEN FREAK OUT
Just outside the set for a commercial, Seth Green got mugged. Then he goes BALLISTIC on the studio security for not protecting his munchkin ass.
WEEK FOUR FOOTBALL PICKS
Nick and Josh expanded their lead this week with three solid weeks and a Detroit win of all things. Here are their picks for the 4th week of the season.
HOT CHICK VIOLIN COVER OF TOXICITY
How can System of a Down get any better? Make them all hot chicks that can REALLY rock out.
AARON RODGERS SEEMS ALRIGHT
I know we bleed purple and gold here, but every so often a Packer fan does something clever and funny, like this song by The Replicates. And they did get two thing right. The packers will finish 6-10 and their coaches suck.
TOP 15 ANTI-FAVRE SHIRTS
Packer fans are bitter...very, very bitter. I am a firm believer that this whole thing will blow over with time. Like Montana in Kansas City, Cris Carter in Miami, or Emmitt Smith in Arizona. LET IT GO CHEESEHEADS! These feelings of betrayal will pass. Unless the Purple win the whole damn thing. Then we're never letting you hear the end of it!
BONEHEAD HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL PLAY
You'd think the coach would have told this kid to just let the ball hit the ground. He doesn't, throws it on the ground and then loses the game. If the game heroes get all the tail, I wonder if the goats get negative sex.
CUTE LIONS FAN ARRESTED AT VIKINGS GAME
This hot little number got a little lit up at the Vikings/Lions game last week and got cuffed and stuffed...I'd like to cuff and stuff her too.
PANTSLESS LIONS FAN
This HAS to be the result of some horrible bet. My only question is what is the OTHER guys doing!?
TIED TO A POLE
A few weeks ago, a 21-year-old was denied entrance to the local VFW. The man responded by pulling down the American flag and burning it. Some local vets decided to give him a choice. Get turned into the police, getting the crap beaten out of him, or be tied to the flagpole with a sign saying what he did. He chose option three.
AWESOME CAR DEAL!
Wow! What a deal! Only 32,000 miles! Ohhhhhh...but I'll have to put $10,000 into sanitizing it. May need some light cleaning my ass...
SERENA FOR TAMPAX
No, this is not a joke. But I swear to God, I will shove this tampon down your effing throat!! I could KILL you right now!
CONAN CRACKS HIS HEAD
The Tonight Show was cancelled Friday after a bit with the sexy Teri Hatcher. He was a little messed up as you can see from his slurred speech. Andy also said that Conan, when being asked questions, was excited to suddenly realize it was 2009. He also understood the plot of "Lost" for exactly 4 minutes.
TUESDAY TOP TEN
THINGS THAT SUCK ABOUT MEN
Well, last week we knocked on the ladies, this week it is the guys turn. As half of one and half of the other, I have alot to say about both. Why can guys suck? Let me count the ways...all ten of them. Leave your own in the comments.
WEEK 3 FOOTBALL PICKS
Nick and Josh kept their two and one game league in the overall and the Furious Five respectively, thanks to mediocre weeks by both sides. Here are their picks for the third week of the season. Share your thoughts in the comments.
TRIPPING ICARUS
The radio debut of Trippng Icarus was this morning, and if you want to hear more, check out their Myspace.
CHRIS WARCRAFT GUILD
(Facebook Group)
Kluwe joined us this morning talk dorkness. And I thought I'd plug my Facebook group. Please Join. It's for no good cause other than to spread the word of the Warcraft. Thank you. FACEBOOK MEMBERSHIP IS REQUIRED
19 POUND BABY
A woman in Indonesia had this small mound of round last week. I was 10lbs 14oz...this lil kid out weighed me by almost double...19.2lbs. Ouch.
30 NEWS SLIP UPS
Every major city has around 5 news stations, and they do about 5 news programs a day. I'm no math whiz, but that is around 6210 news shows every day. There have GOT to be some awesome screw-ups. Here are 30 of the best ever caught on tape.
DUCT TAPED KITTY
This poor little feline was found dumped in a front yard in Philadelphia with duct tape wrapped around its whole body. There is a $1000 reward for anyone who knows who did it. I know one of you does! I'll split the money with ya!
WORLDS LONGEST MOTORBIKE
Normally I would not have called it a motorbike, but this is definitely NOT a motorcycle, its a scooter. Englishman Colin Furze, who is a plumber used his skills to make one 46 feet long. I'd hate to ride bitch on that thing.
SNAKE WITH A FOOT
Duan Qiongxiu said she discovered the reptile clinging to the wall of her bedroom with its talons in the middle of the night. She said she was so scared she grabbed a shoe and beat the snake to death before preserving its body in a bottle of alcohol. One thing, it's not a lizard, it's a snake...with a leg. Figure that one out.
SEXUAL CONNECTION CALCULATOR
You know how if you had sex with one person, you have had sex with every person they have had sex with? And you know if you tell one person something, then they tell two friends....and they tell two friends...and so on, and so on, and so on... Well sex is like that too. Except its like thousands of people have done YOU. This sex calculator figures out how many indirect partners you have had. I feel dirty, since my 5 turned into a little over 300,000.
WORST TATTOOS EVER
Everyone makes bad decisions in their life, just not every one of them lasts forever. Two do...marriage and tattoos. here are 120 of the worst of the worst...tattoos not marriages.
TUESDAY TOP TEN
THINGS THAT SUCK ABOUT WOMEN
We all know them, and despite what's between your legs, you hate at least one, but most likely many. Some girls are awesome, but a lot of them just aren't. Here are the top ten reasons that chicks just suck. Feel free to add your own in the comments.
KNIFE IN THE BUTT
Four months after she was mugged Ying Shi finally got around to checking out the throbbing pain in her backside. Doctors found this...that explains a lot.
WII DRUG BUST
When these central Florida cops heard that this drug dealer was selling weed, they must have hear Wii. In the middle of their bust they stop to do some Wii bowling. Too bad they didn't know cameras were set up in the house before the raid. Now they'll have plenty of time to play Wii...sitting on their couch at home, while on suspension.
OCHO CINCO LAMBEAU LEAPS
Chad Ochocinco promised last week that if he scored a TD in the Bengals game in Green Bay this weekend, he would do a Lambeau Leap. Well he did, and he did. He did the smart thing, and looked for Bengals fans, but it didn't stop the Packer fans from telling Ocho that he was "number one."
DIRTY KETCHUP AD
This may be the dirtiest hot dog related text photo Josh has ever received, but it's actually a Spanish ad for ketchup. It's only as dirty as you want it to be.
WEEK 2 FOOTBALL PICKS
Well, Josh and Nick jumped out to a week one lead both in the Furious Five picks, (which are the only ones Shaver wants to count since he let Weasel make all of their other picks last week which SUCKED) and in the overall picks. Again, feel free to blast their picks in the comments.
WORLD'S COOLEST BUS STOPS
It's FINALLY can look cool to be poor! Of course, that's because the local economy is so low since they spent so much on making cool bus stops.
WORLD'S WORST TORTURE DEVICES
Throughout history, these are the things that inflicted the most pain on an individual person...wait there's something missing...The 93X Half-Assed Morning Show. I just guess even the midlevel Europeans had their threshold for inflicting pain.
WORLD RECORD DRUNKS
Canton Ohio has the Pro Football Hall of Fame...Cooperstown has the Baseball Hall of Fame. Here is the UN-official Drunks Hall of Fame.
TREE THROUGH THE NECK
Two weeks ago, 20-year-old Michelle Childers and her husband were driving their pick-up, when a tree branch came through the front window and impaled her neck. YUCK...(GROSS)
KIDNAPPED FOR LOVE
This guy had a BRILLIANT plan. In order to win her heart, he asked his roommate to kidnap her so he could save her and be there for her. And that's interesting. I would have never thought this guy would need help getting a girl.
FUNNY FACE KNOCK-OUT
DERRRRRRRRRR!!!!! See what I did there? That's like the sound you would think this guy made after being punched and kicked right in the yap. At least he WOULD have made that noise if his esophagus wouldn't have been crushed.
WEEK ONE FOOTBALL PICKS
Now the games are for real. And if for some reason you would like to know the guys picks for this week, here they are. Feel free to blast their picks in the comments.
THANK YOU LITTLE EFFER
This family got a little extra something on their reciept after they complained about thier slow service...look at the last entry on the receipt.
WOMAN FINDS SON, HAS SEX WITH HIM
This crazy lady is charged with searching out her son, who she gave up for adoption 10 years ago, in order to have sex with him. Creepy.
GOOD TIMES IN CLEVELAND FOR REAL
93X listener Michael Nellessen was in Cleveland for the Twins series there last week and reenacted some of our favorite Cleveland song moments.
AUDRINA PATRIDGE HOTNESS
This star of "The Hills" has been a bad, bad, girl...and she needs to be punished.
MONKEY MASKED SPEEDER
Phoenix resident Dave Vontesmar is obviously trying to make a point. He wears a monkey mask whenever he drives so when he gets caught speeding by their camera system, he can say it wasn't him.
MALE STIPPER PROPOSITIONS GEORGE CLOONEY
Clooney was promoting his new movie at the Venice Film Festival when either a prankster, or a VERY effeminate fan propositioned him, screaming "Take me. Choose me George!"
EVERY DEATH OF KENNY FROM SOUTH PARK
Back when South Park started, and had no purpose other than to provide Trey Parker and Matt Stone with beer and hooker money, they thought it would be a funny bit to Kill Kenny every week. We are using this as a template for our show too...
Oh my God! They killed Weasel! You Bastards!
TUESDAY'S TOP TEN
BACK TO SCHOOL TIPS
Ahhhh...the day after Labor Day. The return to the long start of winter, and for thousands of kids across the state, and Weasel, a return to the classrooms of Minnesota. But how can you make this school year a little easier? We share our top ten tips. Feel free to share your own in the comments.
SECOND STORY CAR CRASH
This drunk driver in NYC had an...'eventful' weekend. He lost control of his SUV...ran a stop sign, hit a mound of dirt, and LAUNCHED his car into the second story of a house.
INJURED TURTLE W/ COASTER LEGS
This little guy had his front two legs amputated and was outfitted with two easy-side furnature coasters as replacements.
FUNNY FOOTBALL MOMENTS
The first week of the NFL Season is upon us, and so it's time to look back on some of the greatest...and by that I mean funniest moments of seasons of the past.
GIANT FUZZY MICROBES
You ever wanted to snuggle close to Swine Flu? How about Mad Cow Disease? Bed Bugs? E.Coli? Well if you, your child, or your girlfriend would like one, stop by GiantMicrobes.com
MIKE REDMOND HITS A TRIPLE!!!
WARNING! THIS VIDEO IS NOT IN SLOW MOTION! I was more excited for this play than for the Twins win. Red hit his 3rd CAREER triple last week against Texas.
CLEVELAND SONGS
GOOD TIMES IN CLEVELAND!!! RIGHT CLICK AND SAVE TO DESKTOP
GOOD TIMES IN CLEVELAND AGIAN!!! RIGHT CLICK AND SAVE TO DESKTOP
10 SECRET FAST FOOD MENU ITEMS
Tired of the same old, same old at your usualy afternoon pitstop? Take a new twist with one of these unknown menu options. I just gor about 6 new options at Chipotle.
25 FUNNIEST VANITY PLATES
You got to hand it to people for their creativity. Once I saw a plate that said INAHURY and I thought that was funny. These other plates make that look about as funny as Schindler's List.
BOY CRIES BLOOD TEARS
Calvino Inman has a very rare disorder. When he cries it comes out red...and iron rich. REAL blood comes from his tear ducts when he cries. It does have its benefits though. You can TOTALLY trick a girl into never leaving you. "DON'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU DO TO ME!!"
CHUPACABRA FOUND IN TEXAS?
Two men in Texas believe they may have discovered the body of a Chupacabra – a mythical beast rumored to suck all the blood out of its prey. It me think of my favorite episode of Red Vs Blue. Here's a little inside joke. "Chupathingy." If you don't get it, you're not cool. Check out the full story HERE.
HITLER UPSET ABOUT FAVRE SIGNING
Hitler was an evil man, he tried to take over the world, killed millions of Jews, and now, we learn he is a fan of Tarvaris Jackson.
This is a clip of a movie called "Downfall" and has become a hit with tons of versions. My favorites? This one, the one where he learns of Michael Jackson's Death, and when he learns the truth about Santa.
K-FED GOT K-FAT
Looks like more than just Britney's musical 'talent' rubbed off on K-Fed. So did her eating habits.
BEER SMUGGLING
This lady tried to jack some suds between her legs...but not the way that would make more sense than this. First, it's a 12-pack, second, it looks like Natty Ice?!
TEACHER SUSPENDED FOR CALLING STUDENT GAY
Walter Filson was put on leave along with another teacher for making fun of a student for being gay...when he wasn't. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD REVIEW "EXTRACT"
For those born after the year 1996:
Long before playing his unforgettable role as the Manager of Chotchkies in "Office Space," Mike Judge made two legendary cartoon characters named Beavis and Butthead. They had a show on MTV and even a movie. Here they are reviewing Mike Judge's newest "joint."
For everyone else:
Here's Beavis and Butthead reviewing Mike Judge's newest movie.
AN ANIMAL PERSPECTIVE
You ever wonder what it looks like for a cow to eat hay, or a wolf to track a squirrel, or to be a goat headbutting another goat? No? Me either....I was just askin.
DAKOTA CO. REVERSE 911 SIGN-UP
I guess we should do SOME public service for you people, so here it is. If you live in Dakota County, you can sign up for a reverse 911 service. That way if you're high or drunk and can't watch a TV when something bad happens, you can be notified via text message of a escaped convict or a chemical spill or a fire in the area. Come to think of it, all those could have been caused by Weasel.
WORLD WILDLIFE FUND - NYC PHOTO
This photo is part of an ad campaign that the World Wildlife Fund says they rejected. It was accompanied with the caption: "The Tsunami Killed 100 Times More People Than 9/11." Wow.
ULTRA-LOW HIGH-SPEED FLY-BY
Pilot -- This is Ghostrider requesting fly-by.
Tower -- Negative Ghostrider the pattern is AHHHHHHH!!!!!
MILLTOWN F.D. TACO FEED
The 7th Annual Milltown Fire Taco feed has been set for October 10, 2009. All you can eat tacos, along with games during and a live auction after. Bring your friends and family. Meet the local fire fighters, look at the fire station, and look at the trucks. They are still collecting donations for the games and auction.
GIRLS GET DENARDED
Getting Denarded is becoming a phenomenon, and we take all the credit for its craziness. These ladies took it upon themselves to make some AWESOME t-shirts. So go join your friends and get Denarded too.
MN FINEST GIRLS IN STUDIO
The very sexy ladies of Minnesota's Finest stopped into the studio to rid it of the usual smell of Ross and fill it wish liquid hotness. They had time to show off their newest calendar, and their new bikinis. Honestly, that one is WAY more important.
TUESDAY'S TOP TEN
(FAVORITE SUMMER MOMENTS)
Well, September is here, and with it the end of the summer of 2009. Although just because everyone's summer has been different doesn't mean we can't share the top ten moments of the summer with each other. Feel free to add your own at the bottom in the comments.
TWINS PROPOSAL REJECTION
When think about the person you love more than any other in the world, and you think about spending the rest of your life with them, you think about the obvious, doing it live during a Twins game. After all the prep, she SHOOTS HIM DOWN! Legit? or a complex prank?
MN FINEST CALENDAR
The very sexy ladies of Minnesota's Finest stopped into the studio to rid it of the usual smell of Ross and fill it wish liquid hotness. They had time to show off their newest calendar, and their new bikinis. Honestly, that one is WAY more important.
STEVE'S X-FACTOR EXCITEMENT
Steve is REALLY excited to be in British television. He thinks he can sing...he can't. He thinks he's going to win...he won't. But he does have one thing goin for him, or more like six and a half things. That's 3 more than that guy Brad...he is SUCH a douche!
H.A.M.S. LIVE BROADCAST @ THE STATE FAIR
We figured the State Fair already has a TON of pig, cows, chickens, and people from Delano in it...so who would notice the smell of our three animals. For two hours the boys made fun of the people watching them and Ross for trying to eat a very disgusting phallic food on a stick.
STUN GUN ROBBER
This old lady was hard up for some cash...she has a painkiller drug habit, and "shockingly" tries to rip off a gas station and a Subway with a taser. She ended up being 1 for 2 and got busted.
BRETT THE GOD
You wish to listen to the secret locker room recordings of Brett Favre!? SILENCE!! You may listen to Brett... RIGHT CLICK AND SAVE TO DESKTOP
CHEATER WEARS A SIGN
You know why divorces are so expensive? Because they are worth it. Maybe William Taylor should have taken that route. He got busted having an affair, so his wife made him wear this sign on the corner of a busy intersection.
X-GIRLS MODELING X-GEAR
The X-Girls stopped int he studio to show off the sexier shwag you can score for a few measley dollars at the 93X booth at the State Fair this year. And no, the girls are NOT for sale...unless you want to start talking numbers....
VICK TAKIN' A RIDE
Partaking in a dog ride while wearing a Michael Vick Eagles jersey. I can't figure out if it's genius, inappropriate or both.
MN PATRIOT GUARD
While mostly motorcyclist you don't have to own one to be a member and neither do you have to be a veteran of the military. Just be willing to stand holding a 3x5 USA flag when a family asks us to be there. Freedom isn't free (it costs $1.05!)but being a member of the MN Patriot Guard is!
MICHAEL BEASLEY'S RIDICULOUS INK
Miami Heat star Michael Beasley might be crackin up a bit. Beasley was checked into a rehab center after some disturbing posts to his Twitter account. Check out his ridiculous ink, but pay no attention to the baggies with the unidentified green leafy substance.
WILL THE VIKINGS SUCK THIS YEAR
Local funnyman Andrew Zilch wrote this great song and made a video for it too. Relive the past 45 years of Vikings existence in just under 2 minutes!
CHAD OCHOCINCO CAN KICK!
Watch out Ryan Longwell, here comes Adrian Peterson....and watch out Serbs! Here comes a girl! All things aside, Ocho has some leg...
141 EUPHEMISMS FOR "DRUNK"
Some of my favorites? "Monkey-full", "Off me trolley", and "Saying hello to Mr. Armitage."
TOP PLACES TO GROW UP
If you think you loved growing up where you did you should have checked out these places. If you hated it, you REALLY should have checked out these places. And if you grew up in one of these places, I envy you...
TRUCK PUSHES CAR DOWN 35W
In the middle of a tornado in Uptown traffic came to a standstill and obviously one guy A) had NO idea what was goin on, and B) was in a REAL hurry.
25 FUNNIEST HOMELSS GUY SIGNS
In these financial times I think of the poignant words of a man named Chris Rock.... "If a homeless guy has a funny sign...he hasn't been homeless that long. A REAL homeless guy is too hungry to be funny." As well as: "Cornbread....ain't nuttin' wrong with that!"
LIVING LONGER IN AMERICA
So you want to be an old fogey popin' Viagra into your later years for a little longer? You're two best options are live in Hawaii, or stay where you are right here in Good old Minnesota. Check out this interactive map from MSNBC. And the fastest way to get rid of that guy's boss Brad naturally is send him to Alabama...he is SUCH a douche!
BANNED FAMILY GUY CLIPS
A while back, Fox decided NOT to air a controversial episode of Family Guy because in it, Lois decides to be a surrogate mother for a couple who both end up getting killed in a car accident. Lois then has to decide wether or not to get an abortion. The episode will be included in the next season on DVD. The cast did a table reading of the episode last week, and a few of the clips are below. Enjoy them, you evil minded fools.
BAR REFAELI SI BIKINI SHOOT
Somebody from Sports Illustrated posted these behind the scenes photos of Bar Refeali's Swimsuit Issue photo shoot on his Twitter...and we are reaping the benefits!
TUESDAY TOP 10...MOST BIZARRE HABITS
The most bizarre, and in some cases most disgusting habits, as chosen by you, our bizarre and disgusting listeners!
SAGE ROSENFELS FUMBLECOPTER
Its got to be a relief to Vikings fans that we won't have to worry about Sage Rosenfels pulling the old fumblecopter play. Now that we have Brett Fav...what? He's not what? OH NO WE ARE ALL DOOMED!!!
MN VIKING CHEERLEADERS
MN Viking Cheerleaders Kristina, Bailey, and Krisan came by to promote their brand new calendar. You can use it to chart the next few months Brett Favre takes to make up his mind whether or not to play here. For info on the girls and the calendar check out the official MN Vikings home page.
JESSICA DRAKE IN STUDIO
One of the sexiest, prettiest mattress actresses to grace our studio with her amazing smell and sexy self stepped in today to talk about her weekend show at Shieks. I love her. And my Ex said I was afraid of commitment.
TIMBERWOLVES DANCE TEAM
Ah yes I remember why I was looking forward to the Timberwolves season...hot girls in skimpy dance costumes. Erica and Gina aren't new T-Wolves Point Guards, they're part of the spicy T-Wolves Dance Team. Auditions for new members are going on Thurs. July,23rd at the Graves Hotel.
KOD GIRLS IN STUDIO
The AWESOME ladies of the KOD came in studio to have some fun, plug live Friday's with Rudy, and torture our intern Ross with their hotness...especially Savannah.
BEST BREASTS IN HOLLYWOOD
Access Hollywood put together of a list of the best breasts in Hollywood. Check em out.
CARMEN HART WITH THE SCHIEKS GIRLS
God I love my job, taking pictures of beautiful women, who do VERY adult things. I'm still kinda speechless. Enjoy.
Come see the Ring Card girls tonight 8pm at Myth in Maplewood for All American Cage Fighting, then come party with the “brutal” babes at Schieks immediately following the cage fights at Myth.
LINGERIE FOOTBALL LEAGUE!!!
DOWN SET HIKE!!! The girls of the Lingerie Football League! Yeah have fun watching the Vikings...I'm getting season tickets to the Minnesota MILF'S!!! Check out the official site and email them BEG THEM to bring their tour to the Twin Cities!
A CELEBRATION WE CAN ALL..."GET BEHIND!"
USC Linebacker Rey Maualuga got the envy of every man with functioning private parts when he snuck up behind ultimate hottie sports reporter Erin Andrews and proceeded to do a suggestive little dance. MN Viking Matt Birk was obviously inspired when he did the same thing to our own Ass Man Randy Shaver.
VIKINGS CHEERLEADERS
Yeah yeah yeah it's football season blah blah blah show me more cheerleaders! That's something I can get behind nicely. Speaking of nice behinds check out Krisandra and Bailey! WEE HOO!!!!! Catch them at bars all around the metro and buy their swimsuit calendars.
WWE DIVAS
To celebrate the WWE coming back to Minnesota here are a few saucey pics of some WWE Divas. You're welcome!
WORST CELEBRITY FEMALE BODY PARTS
Dude so the other night I was gonna hook up with Jennifer Garner. She took me back to her place. She took of her shirt and I was like "WORD!". She took of her pants and I was like "DOUBLE WORD!" Then I got a look at her toes and I was like "NO THANKS I'M UH...I GOT A HEADACHE...THANKS ANYWAY". Here is a list of the worst celebrity female body parts composed by no doubt some of the most jealous catty females in the world!
TOP 10 SEXY FEMALE OLYMPIC ATHLETES
Being that I am a somewhat functional American male I have absolutely no interest in the Olympic Games. That was until I checked out the top 10 sexy female Olympic athletes! Make you wanna smack yo mama!
VIKING CHEERLEADER LISSA
Let's face it until Brett Favre is made the official starting quarterback a calendar featuring bikini clad Viking Cheerleaders is the best thing this team has going. Actually, screw Favre it's the best period!
